What has changed ?

Earlier I used to feel awesome while writing an email to you. Because I know that you were also waiting for my email. But now, I feel miserable while sending an email to you as you changed a lot and there is no enthusiasm that you used to have. In your language, I would say sending and receiving ends are not at the same frequency… Wonder what has changed? Is it the fear that you may have to take the responsibility of me? Or the feel that you showed is untrue? How can I know?  

I don’t have any kind of relationship with you. If I can get the happiness that I am getting from you..from my parents/friends/ I would definitely approach them instead of bugging you. I can NOT order or force you which I do with my parents. The relationship between you and me is not that strong where I can order you to talk to me. It is just like a weak thread. If we both try to hold it with care, it will be there forever. The stronger I try to hold the sooner you will go away from me. I cannot force you. I can just hold and look for you to do the same.

Why did not my feelings toward you are not changing like yours? Why can’t I stay without talking to you? Why would I check my inbox more than 100 times a day?

L1

I have been investigating to know the so called LOVE for a long period. Still in search and trying to understand. What is really LOVE? Is it the special feeling that you have for the other person. How does that feel generate in you? By looks? By expressions? By thoughts? By character? ... i think people go more with looks. If looks are good they try to compromise on other things because they love. If you go by character, and if looks does not work for you, then you can not compromise on anything. Is this really LOVE?
Why am i seeing only this kind of LOVE always. cant there be a person who just does not go with LOOKS? If i have that person, can't he dare to have her in his life?

......

I don’t know. It is very depressing to me today. I don’t know the reason. Is it that I did not talk to you or something else? I want to talk to you.  I want to share what I feel. I want to see the feel that you have for me. I want spend some time with you. I am crying. I am worried for how long this will continue. I am scared that I again fall into pain. I don’t want to have any pain. How can I control. How can I be happy? Why can’t I be happy for long time? Why should I cry most of the time? Why does nt the nature care me? Why can’t I be happy without you? Why would I want to talk to you always? Why did you change?

YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You come into my life like a star
You show me there is no darkness in my life - i can see light even in dark
You tell me I need to smile
You tell me I need to be brave
You fill my life with colors and happiness
You show you are a good friend that everyone should have

I start to change my life
I start to smile
I start to enjoy
I start to feel the support
I start to cherish my happiness
I start to imagine LIFE in my life
I start to feel my  existence in this world
I start to LOVE my life
I start to LOVE myself
I start to feel the world

YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR MIND

You stop talking to me
You stop supporting me
You stop thinking about my ROBOTIC life
You stop thinking about my problems
You stop appreciating me
You stop remembering me

What I am left with?
I neither have a life nor a FRIEND!!

Did I ask you to come into my world?
Did I ask you to show me the world?
Did I ask you to support me?
Did I ask you to share my agony?
Did I ask you to console me?

There is a rainbow on the sky and I feel it came to talk to me, wish me. I feel like it is going to bring it's friend RAIN in which I am going to drizzle feeling you. But you tell me, RAIN is there not to share my happiness but accompany me in my CRY

You take me to peaks of happiness and show me there is a big fall waiting for me. You take me to the wonderful colors of Garden and leave me there. I am perplexed if i should be HAPPY that I saw a different world filled with all happiness or CRY that you left me in a world from which I can not come out.

Had I known that MY LOVE towards you would cost me to lose a GOOD FRIEND , I would never had gone for it. If GOD gives me an opportunity to choose a FRIEND or LOVER in you I am more inclined to have a FRIEND who is Interminable rather than a LOVER who ceases in NO TIME!!!

I would like you to see me as a respected person who is a GOOD WOMAN, MOTHER and a person with GOOD CHARACTER. If my LOVE and the madness that I have shown would lower my ESTEEM , I would definitely have not gone for that ROLE.